a nice story to read…….
What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten, that
I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over
silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show?
Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there’s no hope
in doing so. For now, it’s rather too late –- too late for me to do so.
She was my best friend and I have known her
since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveal my feelings for her
…that I love her not only because she’s pretty and smart but also the way she
laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love.
I could still remember the first time we
met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to
play with except for my best friend, troy. He and his family just moved out to
transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I
climbed up our tree house. I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I
watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It
stopped in front of the house and came out a family. I was about to glance away
when out came the loveliest girl I’ve seen. She was four years old that time
but then even at an early age she was beautiful. She had a long curly hair,
which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes that could
make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she
looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to
hide when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement
as I saw her running towards the tree house.
So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "would
you like to come up?" she answered, "may I?" so I helped her
climb up. And when she reached the top, she then turned to me and said,
"by the way, my name’s Sam, what’s yours?" I answered, "my name
is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." she smiled and said,
"well I like your name. Hey, your tree house is neat." then I
replied, "thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We
used to goof around, play ball, and go biking together. He was my best friend
and I kind of miss him, you know." She smiled and said, "I’m here
now, we could do things you do with Troy and I could be your new best friend
too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one.
I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could do biking
together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said; "well
that sounds good enough." she held her hand and said, "It’s a deal
then!" …That was how it started.
So we became best friends and it was kind
of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was a
little it hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and
climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There
was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race
we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember
the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball
and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and I promised to pay for the damage,
which meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I
fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near
to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I’ve even fought
with the tough guys when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having
a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag
over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to
please her and gave everything her little heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hang out. We had
our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big
oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together
and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my
dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if
they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my
feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a
simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of
her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time. I thought it
was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was
an exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I
could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake
having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I
had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue
hoping it would never end. I then realized, I was slowly falling in love with
my best friend. Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to
imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I feel about her. I
was scared because she might think that I’m taking advantage of her and our
friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feelings hidden.
Then one day, I just learned from a friend
that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was
just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob
of the campus. She, being a cheerleader was so close to the basketball team
which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot
that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw
her wave at me but I just pretend not to see her for I was scared that she
might see in my eyes the pain I’m feeling inside because of seeing her with
another guy.
Those days that followed were the saddest
days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her
side. Every time we meet in the hallways and I see him around her, there’s a
feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to
see the girl I long to possess was now owned by someone else. That special
smile I long for her to cast on me was now on him. As she passes by me, she
doesn’t know that I whisper the words "God how I love you"
Then one faithful day they broke up. She
came to me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it
ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy
because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings
for her. But then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just
for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.
We find ourselves doing what we did in the
old days … Saturday swim routine and spending time in our tree house. We
enjoyed doing those childish pranks for we were still both young at heart.
It was a week from our JS prom, we were
seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim
when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like me to be your
partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never
thought would happen. It took me a while to answer her, "I thought there
are so many boys who would die to be your partner?" So she turned away and
quietly said, "Well, I just thought I would like to spent that night with
my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear.
"Don’t you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was
so stunned to speak for it came close from me to blurt my feelings or her. We
were silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be
your partner Sam." Then she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could
hardly contain the joy I felt at that time. I saw her turn red and bowed her
head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to
reach the water treats sundae fudge!" I ran slowly so that I would lose
which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.
Our prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo
and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Her mother
greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I
was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I
looked up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her
hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out that
I couldn’t find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily, fastened the corsage
around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl n the world."
She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled. I smiled
back then I turned to open the door for her.
When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly
recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced
with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand, bowed and said, "Would
you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and nodded
slightly. Then I led her to the dance floor.
It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment.
I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved… She was smiling up to me,
as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I
started down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves
enchanting her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her
at the moment. I wanted to tell that he was the most beautiful girl that night.
I wanted to tell her that she would always be the flare of light in my
darkness. But what I wanted to tell her most was that I love her. I drew up all
my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and
the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven’t done it.
We walked towards the table and found
ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked if she wanted a drink, she nodded to I
went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our
table, she was gone. I asked her friend where she was but she told me she
doesn’t know. So I went and searched for her.
As I was searching for her, I reached the
garden. There, I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon’s silvery
light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I
had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. My heart was
torn into pieces when I realized that she left my company and preferred to stay
here in the garden with Mark, her ex- boyfriend. Because of mixed emotions
…pain, heartache, disappointment, and the feeling of being betrayed…tears fell
from my eyes continuously so I just turned and left the gymnasium. Since that
night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her
the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not
me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to
hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I
didn’t return her calls. I would not see her if she comes
into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches, I would go to another
direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the
best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.
The day of our graduation came. I was
planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was about to move out
the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As
she stared at me, there was something in her eyes I couldn’t describe. There
was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn’t the same smile she had. I
wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned
and walked away from me.
So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was
accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still think of
her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not
to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each
achievement I have done was for her. I thought that if I will be successful one
day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I’m worthy
of having her. March came, and it was the year for Sam’s graduation. I decided
to return home and see her again. I even imagine her, stunning in her toga and
walking gracefully as she receives her diploma. I thought a year is too much
for me not to see her. During the past year I felt like a person lost in the
desert and the only sight of her would quench the thirst I have inside. As I
got off the plane, I went home directly. I was desperate to get to her house,
desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and
that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her
know my true feelings and say that I could not contain anymore the love I have
for her.
I reached their house. I saw her older
sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn’t smile
back. I was confused for she used to be cheerful lass just like my dear Sam. I
then asked, "Hi Jen! I guess you’re surprised why I’m here. Well I just
want to visit you and I was so hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her, you know.
By the way, have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied
quietly "Come, follow me."
I was confused with the way she’s acting
but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a
conversation but she just answered my questions briefly. Then I realized that
she was heading to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left
it, the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the
kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It’s been one of the happiest
days in my life. Now I know that I missed Sam more than I thought. Suddenly,
Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There’s
Sam."
I looked at where she was pointing and saw
a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at
what I saw and badly tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare
and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief. With her eyes
searching for the right words, she slowly started explaining "… It’s been
a week since she died. She died of Leukemia. But even though she was sick, she
never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she
died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regard this place as a place
of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days of her
life and that was when she was with you. She also asked me to give you
this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it
contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at
the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking
hands and started reading…
Chris,
I know by this time you read this letter
…I’m gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God
that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I have left
something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris.
Not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my
life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed
each day that’s why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side.
You just don’t know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning realizing
that it’s not a dream anymore for you are with me. When you are away, I can’t
stop crying because I’m afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just
want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that’s how I feel. Each time
you held me close was like a dream coming true because to be close to you and
feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that
you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint from you. Since our childhood,
I tried playing ball games and learned everything that you enjoy doing even
though it’s hard for me as a girl. I did everything to please you because I
love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you’re in love with me
too. So many nights I’ve cried because I know, in reality you don’t love me
just the same. Well, you might think that what I’m saying are lies but I tell
you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I
love.
I know you might be thinking of Mark but I
just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable
of loving and not as a little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined
that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel
something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did
that to know how you would react and with that I’ll know if you love me too.
But I failed for you didn’t give me any clue. When our prom night came, you
just don’t know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and said that I
was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so
desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you never did. When Mark
came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might
see us talking. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we
would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it’s you whom I really
love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that
you were searching for me. I just concluded that you saw us together. The next
day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You
continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I’ve experienced that
time. I felt the world crushing on me. In your graduation day, I already knew then
that I was sick and dying. The doctors told me that I have only one year to
live my life. When I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you.
I wanted to say that I want to spend the remaining days of my life with you but
I decided I just couldn’t do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for
me is just brotherly kind of love. I want you to love me as a woman and not as
a girl, not as your playmate. I don’t want to get hurt so I just turned away
and left.
Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too
late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has
always been and will be yours alone forever.
PS
Think of me sometimes…and always remember that loving you
was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
I felt tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to
shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she
did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the
soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and
whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven"..
I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted
to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she
did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the
soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and
whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."
"We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that
experiences makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying
into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, and an afternoon. But
that doesn’t diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure
for the rest of our lives."
"life is too short, you will never know your last day on this earth… so while your still alive, grab the opportunity to tell to your loved 1s that YOU LOVE THEM VERY MUCH…"
